No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
