I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
