I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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