She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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