We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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