I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
