We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
