I wannas sexs uuuuu
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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