is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
