And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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