the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
