if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
