Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
When did angry sex become our thing?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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