So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
