Buhtt sex?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
