I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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