can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Farmville is her only friend.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
