How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
