There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
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