ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
