ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
