I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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