So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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