I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
