i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
