i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
