it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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