I accidentally had phone sex last night
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
