I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
