Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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