C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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