my phone needs a breathalizer
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I am available for nakedness
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
