The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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