Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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