I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
