google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
