so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
