i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
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