Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
