Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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