Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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