i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I need to align my fucking chakras
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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