I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
