I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You can't motorboat a personality
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
