pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
