Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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