Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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