Where are you?
In a non slutty way
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
