He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
