well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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