I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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